Keeping Your Own Conversion Journal

Probably one of my most precious things is the journal I started writing in December of 2003. I started it because my husband suggested that I write down my thoughts as I watched my father go through a terrible health crisis.

I took John's advice. It was the best advice I have ever received.

In the two years to follow, I filled up three spiral notebooks. I didn’t realize I was capturing the transformation of my soul. I was just writing words. Thoughts. Doing something that seemed cathartic. But those spiral-bound thoughts are very dear to me today, as I stand on this side of that profound conversion.

In The Way of the Pilgrim, the writer quotes one venerable Callistus Telicudes who says, One ought not to keep thoughts about God and what is learned by contemplation, and the means of raising the soul on high, simply in one’s own mind, but one should make notes of it, put it into writing for general use and with a loving motive (French 51).

If you don't keep a journal of your faith journey, I highly recommend that you start doing it. Begin by reading and responding to the daily readings at Mass. If you cannot go to daily Mass, read them on your own. Jot down your thoughts. Don't stop there. Write about anything. Write about everything. Life contains many spiritual metaphors. See if you can start recognizing them in your own life.

All is grace - as St. Therese said. If you pay attention to your life, you will begin to see that she was right.

Keeping Your Own Conversion Journal

Former Anglican Priest Swims The Tiber

Here is a teaser. For the full story, go to Catholic.org.

(Fr. Jeffrey Steel, announcing his conversion to the Catholic Church)

In my heart, I knew that I had grown to love and believe the Catholic faith as it was taught in the Catholic Catechism. On my final day in Rome on 17 April 2009 I went to the tomb of St. Peter and knelt and prayed for quite some time. I knew in my heart I was a Catholic and asked what it was that was keeping me from converting. All sorts of fears ran through my head and I felt very restless there and at times just knelt quietly asking S. Peter to pray for me because I didn’t know how or the way to go. At the end of this time I went over and knelt at JPII's tomb and asked him to please pray for me as I was scared to make a journey like this with a wife and six children not knowing how God would provide for us. After praying with JPII, I got up and went to S. Peter’s tomb again and there with conviction of heart signed the Roman Catholic Catechism stating ‘This is the Faith of the Church and this is my Faith’, and signed my name with the day's date. Before leaving the Basilica I walked over to the statue of S. Peter with the key in his hand, rubbed his foot, and said, ‘I am going out to find the way, open the door and make this happen and pray for me as I make this journey.’

Former Anglican Priest Swims The Tiber

My Weakness, Your Strength

The passage below always hits home with me. I am, by nature, a quiet person (those of you who knew me in high school, I don't know what to tell you, but something changed - a lot).

By nature, I'm a contemplative.

Writing is a good fit. Marketing? Not so much. In fact, every time I try to "get my stuff out there" I feel like I am trying do precisely what this passage says I must not do.

And so, I send articles to diocesan editors and Catholic magazine editors, and I let them figure out what to do with my gift.

I post things here, and whoever comes along - well, that is up to Our Lord Jesus.

There are some roles that are not mine to wear. I am not supposed to do marketing. It feels wrong. I sense that it would get me into trouble - spiritually. It would take me out of my "little" place. And being little is what keeps me belonging to Christ.

There are others, though, who are gifted PR people. They were made for this role. Perhaps for them, writing is the wrong thing. Writing (or singing or teaching) holds temptations to pride that they they know might harm them.

And so, at least for now, I live a quiet little life. I get up in the morning and, if God gives me something to write, I write it. And that feels to me like praying in my closet. I still stay small.

God bless you and the gift you were given. What is that thing that brings you close to God, maybe even inspires another, but still helps you to remain little.

St. Therese, Little Flower, pray for us.

From today's Mass Reading:
Matthew 6:1-6,16-18
Jesus said to his disciples:
‘Be careful not to parade your good deeds before men to attract their notice; by doing this you will lose all reward from your Father in heaven. So when you give alms, do not have it trumpeted before you; this is what the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets to win men’s admiration. I tell you solemnly, they have had their reward. But when you give alms, your left hand must not know what your right is doing; your almsgiving must be secret, and your Father who sees all that is done in secret will reward you.
‘And when you pray, do not imitate the hypocrites: they love to say their prayers standing up in the synagogues and at the street corners for people to see them; I tell you solemnly, they have had their reward. But when you pray, go to your private room and, when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in that secret place, and your Father who sees all that is done in secret will reward you.

‘When you fast do not put on a gloomy look as the hypocrites do: they pull long faces to let men know they are fasting. I tell you solemnly, they have had their reward. But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that no one will know you are fasting except your Father who sees all that is done in secret; and your Father who sees all that is done in secret will reward you.’

My Weakness, Your Strength

How Evelyn Underhill Made Me Catholic

(One of my favorite quotes by Evelyn Underhill)

From The Spiritual Life

Hodder & Stoughton

[The Spiritual Life] consists in being drawn, at His pace and in His way, to the place where He wants us to be; not the place we fancied for ourselves. (39)

-Evelyn Underhill

If you follow Catholic by Grace articles or blog postings, you know how much I love St. John of the Cross and St. Teresa of Avila.

But how did this Protestant preacher's kid stumble upon these two great Saints?

A long time ago, I read a series by Susan Howatch. It was part of the research I did for an article on Christian fiction (for Protestant venues) - and Susan Howatch had this habit of posting a quote at the beginning of each chapter. While the series was pure fiction, the quotes were by real people. One of her "quotables" came from an Anglican by the name of Evelyn Underhill. After I finished the series, I went looking for books by Underhill.

I found it interesting that Underhill had great affection for contemplatives, and she kept mentioning someone by the name of St. John of the Cross. So, after I read Howatch, I went to Underhill. After I read Underhill, I went to St. John of the Cross. And after I read St. John of the Cross, I went to St. Teresa of Avila.

And then, I went to the doors of the Catholic Church and asked that life-changing question. "How does one become Catholic. . . because I think that's what I'm supposed to be doing right about now."

*Another interesting fact about Evelyn Underhill is that she wanted to become Catholic, but at the request of her Anglican husband, she did not follow through on this desire. Thankfully, my husband did not stand in my way. And a few years later, he made the journey Home as well.

How Evelyn Underhill Made Me Catholic

Arzobispo Chaput Habla de Inmigración y el Corazón y la Alma de la Perspectiva Católica

English translation in next post. . . scroll down.

(El cuento en total aquí)

Tenemos que recordar que la manera como tratamos a los débiles, a los enfermos, a los ancianos, a los niños no nacidos y a los forasteros refleja nuestra propia humanidad.

-Arzobispo Chaput

Aqui, la oracion:

Señor, Tu creaste al hombre y la mujer a tu imagen y les diste tu misma dignidad. Nos llamas a cada uno a ser agentes de tu justicia y tu misericordia en el mundo. Ayúdanos a construir una cultura de la vida, una cultura que defienda la vida con reverencia, la vida de los no nacidos, de los inmigrantes, de los pobres, los abandonados, los que sufren y los ancianos. Danos la fortaleza para vivir el evangelio no sólo de palabra, sino con nuestros corazones y acciones. Ayúdanos a perdonarnos mutuamente, a escucharnos y a servir a los que sufren y están en necesidad. Finalmente Señor, en todo lo que hacemos, llénanos del coraje para seguir a San Pablo cuando nos invita a “decir la verdad con amor”. Esto te lo pedimos confiando en tu bondad y en el nombre de tu Hijo, Jesucristo.

Amén.

Arzobispo Chaput Habla de Inmigración y el Corazón y la Alma de la Perspectiva Católica

Archbishop Chaput on Immigration

To read Archbishop Chaput's full speech on Immigration, go to the website for the Archdiocese of Denver.

We need to remember that how we treat the weak, the infirm, the elderly, the unborn child and the foreigner reflects on our own humanity.

-Archbishop Chaput

Here is his opening prayer:

Lord, you created men and women in your image and endowed them with your dignity. You call each of us to be agents of your justice and mercy in the world. Help us to build a culture of life – a culture that holds all human life in reverence, from the unborn child and the immigrant, to the poor, the homeless, the infirm and the elderly. Give us the character to live the Gospel not just with our words, but with our hearts and our actions. Make us quick to forgive each other, quick to listen to each other, and eager to serve those who are suffering and in need. And finally Lord, in all things, fill us with the courage to follow St. Paul when he urges us to “speak the truth in love.” We ask this trusting in your goodness and in the name of your son, Jesus Christ.

Amen.

Archbishop Chaput on Immigration

Grandma's Tea Cup

I must admit, I forget to pray for my deceased relatives. It's not that I don't believe it is important. And it's not because I don't believe it does any good. I just don't remember to do it.

So, I need reminders. Maybe you do as well. In my garden window, I have a tea cup. It is part of my grandmother's china collection, which I inherited. I keep this one tea cup where I can see it, and when I see it, I remember to pray.

Little reminders - a very good thing.

Grandma's Tea Cup

What's Tough About Your Job? Here's What I Think.

Okay, this is from today's Mass reading. I'll put in bold the thing I find toughest about being Catholic. Of course, In the United States, we aren't subject to the worst persecutions. Our prayers are with those of you who face death and torture daily for the Faith.

2 Corinthians 6:2-10
We prove we are servants of God by great fortitude in times of suffering: in times of hardship and distress; when we are flogged, or sent to prison, or mobbed; labouring, sleepless, starving. We prove we are God’s servants by our purity, knowledge, patience and kindness; by a spirit of holiness, by a love free from affectation; by the word of truth and by the power of God; by being armed with the weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left, prepared for honour or disgrace, for blame or praise; taken for impostors while we are genuine; obscure yet famous; said to be dying and here are we alive; rumoured to be executed before we are sentenced; thought most miserable and yet we are always rejoicing; taken for paupers though we make others rich, for people having nothing though we have everything.

What's Tough About Your Job? Here's What I Think.

Moral Dilemmas

Last week, my grown son and his wife spent the night at our house. They parked their vehicle in the drive, and the next morning, I drove them to the airport.


They are spending the summer in California. They have completed a non-denominational course in mission work and are certified to share the good news of the Gospel with people of other faiths.


My son and his wife are not Catholic.


I had a moral dilemma. I'm driving these people I love very much to the airport, and they are going to hit the streets of California's cities, but I am not sure I agree with everything they are going to say.


Take for example, the possibility that they will "witness" to Catholics. What if their efforts actually pull poorly catechized Catholics away from the faith? I felt like I had to do something. I had to say something.


They made it clear that they had the ultimate goal of sharing with those of other faiths - Hindus, Muslims, atheists. They wanted to tell others about Jesus Christ, not impose a certain denomination upon them. I appreciated the fact that their number one goal was to share love, not argue. Meet people where they are, spiritually speaking. Engage them. Talk. Find common ground and see where things went from there.


"But if you encounter Catholics and it seems to you that they aren't really vibrant in their faith, be careful. Here's the thing. I don't know if Our Lord will bring you to the place where you want to be Catholic, but if He does, and if you have memories of sharing a 'form' of the Gospel that actually led people away from the Catholic Church, well you will have a pain in your heart that just won't go away."


I went on. "If you meet a Catholic and it doesn't seem - at least on the surface - that this person has a personal realtionship with Jesus Christ, this is what I want you to do. Remind him that Jesus Christ is waiting for him in the Mass. Remind him that his faith has always taught - for 2000 years - that the Eucharist really is Jesus Christ, Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity." That's when I told my son and daughter that the evangelical process of "asking Jesus into your heart" is a very small slice of what actually happens every time a Catholic receives the Eucharist. "When a Catholic receives the Eucharist, he receives all of Christ, and you do not want to be responsible for pulling him away from that most precious gift. Encourage him to reconcile with Jesus and go to Mass. Anything beyond that, and you will not be able to live with yourself if you ever become Catholic."


I don't remember very much of what we talked about after that. But it went well. No hard feelings - as far as I know. We each said what we needed to say. And they asked some questions and I gave them answers. (Questions on rote prayer and how repetitious it all seems to them and the Bible and how it actually came out of a Catholic Church Council.) We kissed one another at the departure gates, and I promised to pray for them.


Here's my crazy prayer. Wouldn't it be awesome if they meet some Catholics who are well-catechized and can eloquently defend their faith? What if they encounter gifted Catholics who defend the fullness of the faith with a zeal of St. Paul and the fidelity of a St. Peter? Wouldn't that be fantastic?


And so, if you are Catholic and in California (the LA area) be ready to give a defense of the faith to evangelists on your streets. One of them might be my son. And I promise to do the same wherever Christ leads me. Maybe I will encounter your son or daughter, brother or sister, husband or wife.


Each one, reach one. . .

Moral Dilemmas

Who Needs a Priest - We Have the New Covenant?

Sometimes, converts see things - or at the very least, they express things - that cradle Catholics know almost intuitively but are at a loss to defend.

One example is the Catholic defense of the priesthood. Yes, we need our priests. And in the Year of the Priest, which begins June 19, one would do well to be equipped to defend this aspect of our faith.

Read "The Priesthood, Old and New" by convert Sonja Corbitt (Catholic Exchange). Here is a teaser. Just click on the link to read the full article.

As a Baptist Sunday School and Bible study teacher, one of the questions that used to nag at me incessantly was this: Why, after such painstaking deliberation in dictating an institutional religion that pleased Him in the Old Testament and that was designed to lead the people to recognize the Messiah when He came, would God then introduce a system in the New Testament Church that was so completely unlike the one He established in the Old? There are innumerable examples of how ridiculous this complete “change” would be, but take the priesthood, for instance.

Who Needs a Priest - We Have the New Covenant?

Food Craving and St. Ignatius of Antioch

I have no pleasure in the food of corruption or in the delights of this life. I desire the bread of God, which is the flesh of Jesus Christ, who was of the seed of David, and for drink I desire his blood, which is incorruptible love.

-St. Ignatius of Antioch, Letter to the Romans

Food Craving and St. Ignatius of Antioch

Celebrating the Feast of Corpus Christi

It is difficult to describe the joy and peace I sensed when I received the Most Blessed Sacrament for the first time--as one who is truly in union with Christ.


To be honest, I wondered if my overactive imagination was partly responsible for the profound experience I had when I knelt afterward, but each time, He has come again with that same deposit of peace. Each time, I recognize the Presence of Jesus Christ inside me and know that He is transforming and equipping me for service. I suppose there will be times in the next few decades when I do not sense Him so readily or feel anything profound, but I am comforted by the thought that He will come, regardless of my feelings, and bring to me precisely what I need every time I receive Him.

It saddens me when I consider my first forty years. I’ve “sat in on” many Catholic Masses through the years; I had no idea what I was missing. Without giving it much thought, I believed what those Catholics were doing was basically the same thing I did every time my Protestant church celebrated Communion. Not so. Protestant Communion was never efficacious for me; it never equipped me to live the life Christ marked out for me. While lovely and inspiring, it was merely symbolic.

Dear brother and sister in the Faith, do you know what you have in this Sacrament? Do you pause before receiving Our Lord and contemplate it all with wonder? If so, have you ever spoken about such things with a non-Catholic? Your evangelical friends are quick to ask you if you have asked the Lord to come into your heart. Have you ever asked them if they know what it is like for Him to come into the heart, the soul, the arms, the legs, and into one’s entire being? My friend, you have access to the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Our Lord.

Why not tell somebody?

Blessed Feast of the Body of Christ. Go to Mass this weekend and celebrate the Feast of Corpus Christi.

Celebrating the Feast of Corpus Christi

Cutting Grass and Turning Corners

Yesterday, I gave my daughter her first lesson in cutting grass.


We went over the safety tips, and then I divided off a section of the yard that was flat and relatively easy to cut. I walked beside her and reached out for the handle to help her maneuver when she needed help.


I found out very quickly, she needed the most help when she turned corners. She either didn’t turn deep enough to get a full swipe at the taller grass (which meant she was going over and over the already-cut parts) or she turned so deep that she almost caught my toes where I stood on the other side of the mower.


I learned quickly to stand as far behind her as possible and watch out for corners.


Life is like that. I think the most dangerous moments in life are the moments we turn corners. When we are learning to drive a car. When we leave home. When we go to college. When we choose a spouse. When we make career moves or make serious purchases.

We have a choice: turn wildly and not make any progress or (worse yet) expose ourselves and others to danger OR turn wisely (listening to the voice of authority and experience) and make progress and remain safe in the process.


A great definition of the word repentance is "to turn from" – and Mother Church is there to help us make that turn.


She is there to help us make progress and avoid turning into more danger.


If you haven’t been to confession in quite awhile, make sure you go this weekend. You aren’t merely protecting your toes; you are making sure your soul is whole and healthy.


And watch out for those corners!

Cutting Grass and Turning Corners

Where is faith? -death is at work in us, but Life in you

(From today's Mass Reading)
2 Corinthians 4:8-12
We are in difficulties on all sides, but never cornered; we see no answer to our problems, but never despair; we have been persecuted, but never deserted; knocked down, but never killed; always, wherever we may be, we carry with us in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus, too, may always be seen in our body. Indeed, while we are still alive, we are consigned to our death every day, for the sake of Jesus, so that in our mortal flesh the life of Jesus, too, may be openly shown. So death is at work in us, but life in you.

It was probably the worst moment of my life, next to the day he died. Dad was sick, had been sick for years, but now he was horribly and acutely ill. And the doctors had spent weeks saying it was nothing. To buck up, essentially.


And then they found a fracture in his back. And a staph infection that had gone undetected until it was almost too late to reverse. And later, after his death, we would find out that there were other fatal things going on in his body. The end was coming soon, but the doctors just kept saying it was nothing new, nothing fatal. Just get up and get some physical therapy.


And it was on one of those days when Dad hit rock bottom. He almost despaired. I was there to witness it, and it rocked my world as well.


This man who had been my spiritual and earthly father for all of my life turned his pain-filled face to me, his daughter, and said, “Where is faith? Oh, where is faith?”


I hadn’t read the works of any saints (except those captured in Holy Scripture), and so I didn’t have an answer for how suffering can be offered up. I didn’t know that suffering can be a dance between the Creator and the created. It didn't mean God had abandoned him. In fact, God was there in this suffering in ways we could not know. In ways far more powerful than joy. Or discovery. Or even Bible study. But, I didn’t know how to help my dad see that it wasn’t his faith that was faltering; it was a new lesson. Perhaps a lesson he must learn before he left this world.


“I am a fake.”


When he said that, I nearly collapsed. No, that wasn’t possible. I knew this man well. I had seen his faith in practice. A Protestant minister for thirty years, a dedicated follower, a sincere believer, a contemplative (in as much as Protestants who have never studied the lives of the contemplative Saints can follow such spirituality). Indeed, what I knew of faith, I had learned from this man.

“No, Dad. You are not a fake.” He looked at me and wept.


Weeks later, he died almost instantly of a pulmonary embolism. Thankfully, faith had been given to him again, and he had abandoned himself to God’s Divine Plan. But the greatest impact of his suffering was still to come.


As it says in the Second Letter to the Corinthians, “So death is at work in us, but life in you” – that is what was happening. Dad was dying, and now had passed away, and I was left to sort through the memories and figure out what I had witnessed. What did it mean?


And within months, I stumbled upon St. John of the Cross and read Dark Night of the Soul.


It was the beginning of my conversion to the Catholic Church. So, death was at work in my father, but Life was at work in me.


My father died on December 28, 2003. On August 14, 2005, I was received into the Catholic Church. Since my conversion, I have written pieces of my conversion story for over 27 diocesan papers and a few Catholic magazines.


And so, I can say . . . death is at work in me, but Life in you . . . as I continue this journey of faith, and share the story of conversion with others, offering up every moment – the most wonderful moments to the most painful.


All is grace.

Where is faith? -death is at work in us, but Life in you

Bringing it Home, through Catholic Radio and Catholic TV

Photography by Jerry Naunheim Jr. and Lisa A. Johnston (St. Louis Review)

Yesterday, I had a plan. Get to the store, finish the errands, get back in the car by 2:00, and home as quickly as possible. My grown son and his wife were coming for a visit, and I had a list of things to do before they arrived.

Just minutes after 2:00, I closed the trunk on the groceries and my daughter and I climbed in the car and headed home. Immediately, the sound coming from my radio reminded me of what day it was, what time it was, what profound thing was happening just an hour away.

The Installation Mass of Archbishop Carlson to the Archdiocese of St. Louis.

I listened as I drove. I could almost imagine the beauty and splendor thanks to the sounds coming to me through the blessing of Catholic radio.

As soon as I arrived home, I dashed inside and quickly stuffed groceries into the refrigerator and pantry. Then, I grabbed the remote and turned on the television. There it was. Living proof that Our Lord has preserved His Church, through the miracle of an unbroken line of Apostolic Succession, and St. Louis - indeed the entire world - is the beneficiary of this gift.

Archbishop Carlson began his homily. By now, my daughter and husband had joined me in the living room, and we watched together. Soon after he began speaking, the camera scanned a group of priests - and there was our parish priest! What a thrill.

All of the connections were there. A representative from the Holy Father. Those shepherds who had come before Archbishop Carlson to care for the flock in this archdiocese, the new Archbishop, and the priests and faithful. Yes, even my priest. To whom I confess. To whom I go to receive Our Eucharistic Lord Jesus Christ.

One Body in Christ.

It is good to have a new Archbishop. It is good to be one Family. It is good to know I have a place at the Table.

Bringing it Home, through Catholic Radio and Catholic TV

What Does God Want Me To Do?

It is the age-old question. I think Americans wrestle with it more than any other culture. Too many distractions. Too many opportunities. So many appealing good works that one could pursue. But there are times when even good works pull us away from the work for which we were created.

And so, I offer you a quote from one of my top two favorite saints of all time, St. John of the Cross. (#1 is St. Teresa of Avila)

For you see, I know in the quiet of my heart what I am to do. I sense it when I receive the Eucharist. I hear it spoken to my deepest soul when I am in Adoration before the Blessed Sacrament.

And this is what keeps me steady, like the ballast in the hull of a great big ship. I have placed this saint's instruction on my calendar as a recurring message. It pops up every day, lest I waffle or forget.

"What does it profit you to give God one thing if He asks of you another? Consider what it is God wants, and then do it."

-St. John of the Cross

What Does God Want Me To Do?

Building Sacred Spaces

I don't think I have ever posted this article on my blog. If you missed it in your diocesan paper (a few years back), here it is again. Just click on the Today's Catholic Woman link.

If you don't have an extra room in your home to dedicate to a sacred space, try setting aside one corner or a chair. For inspiration, check out the article.

Building Sacred Spaces

Shout Out To KC-MO and Petoskey Michigan

Hello to Kansas City, Missouri and Petoskey, Michigan. Catholic By Grace received the most hits from your two cities in the last week. A very hearty welcome to our visitors from KC and Petoskey!

Shout Out To KC-MO and Petoskey Michigan

St. Ephraem and prayers for Lebanon

A couple of years ago, I substituted for almost an entire year in a middle school language arts classroom.

I had the privilege of teaching twin sisters from Lebanon that year. They were lovely, inside and out. I remember how they would sign their names in English and Arabic, with its graceful sweeping curves and dips and dots.

And I remember how they often wrote about Lebanon - with great love. Their essays were almost prayer-like in nature, a prayer for their homeland.

I may have my facts wrong, but I think today's saint is one of their favorites. St. Ephraem. He was a deacon who lived in Mesopotamia from 306-373 A.D. He was famous for his homilies and hymns, which spread throughout the world.

I think of those girls, so far from the land of their grandparents and relatives. And yet, they carry their faith - yes, they are devout Catholics - everywhere they go. They intercede for their beloved Lebanon, and they give Americans like me a beautiful glimpse into a country I will never see.

And it makes it easy to pray for Lebanon, because I have faces to put with the country. And so, I say a prayer today for their homeland. Won't you join me?

St. Ephraem and prayers for Lebanon

A Sleepover To Remember

Recently, my daughter spent the night at a friend’s house. She has only done this one other time; I used to do it on a regular basis when I was growing up. Some sleepovers are more memorable than others. Like the night I got homesick and had to wake my friend’s parents in the middle of the night and beg them to take me home. Or the night many years later when we had a huge slumber party on the night of the high school dance. Five girls in one bedroom, all putting on make-up and comparing outfits for the big event.



Somewhere in between these two slumber parties, I spent the night at Lori’s house – I was in middle school, I believe. It was a Saturday night and her family was Catholic – Catholic enough that they went to Mass every weekend – not Catholic enough to explain to me that Holy Communion was not open to Protestant preacher’s kids who stayed over for the weekend. In my preacher’s-kid-mind, I believed I was entitled to participate in every faith event. I considered myself to be one born into a spiritual lap of luxury. No holds barred.



In the middle of the Mass, my friend Lori leaned over and asked me if I knew about Communion. “Yeah, we have it at my church.” I said.



She nodded her head as if to say, that’s cool. I watched and waited for the moment the ushers would pass the bread and grape juice around. Instead, everyone started standing up and walking forward. I had the terrifying sense of being carried along by the wave of people and I knew that it would end with me standing in front of the priest, feeling like an idiot who has no idea how to pass through the process smoothly.



I turned to my friend and whispered, “Wait! We don’t do it like this! What do I do?”



Lori gave me the quickest catechesis in the history of humankind. “You hold your hands like this.” She put one upturned hand in the other. “You bow, say amen, and put the Eucharist in your mouth with the bottom hand.”



And that was it.



I felt the heat of embarrassment going up my neck and into my face. Suddenly, my self-assured spiritual pride was gone. I wasn’t even familiar with the terms Lori used. Eucharist? What was that?



Half-way down the aisle, I thought of my parents, and I wondered if I really should be doing this. I probably should have stayed back in the pew and waited. Too late now, I thought.



And then it was my turn. I don’t remember if I followed proper protocol. But somehow, I made it back to the pew and kneeled beside Lori. I stayed there for a moment and wondered what I had done. What was that whirlwind of Communion all about?



The priest took Lori’s parents aside after Mass and asked about me (so I must have drawn attention to myself after all). He told them that non-Catholics were NOT to receive Holy Communion. What were they thinking? They felt duly chastised, and I was left with a completely confusing memory.



Years later, when my journey of grace led me into the Catholic Church, I was properly catechized. I discovered that the Jesus I had loved from childhood was waiting for me in the Most Blessed Sacrament, the Eucharist, this Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Our Lord.



It wasn’t a symbol. It didn’t remind us of something that happened 2000 years earlier.



It was my Jesus, truly present.



Do you know what that discovery was like for me? Absolutely beautiful. But there was that memory, and that memory still haunts me. When I thought back to that Mass, I realized what I had missed.



It was like attending a passion play in which you think the death and resurrection of Jesus is being re-enacted. The words are the same, but it isn’t the same. It’s not really Jesus; it’s an actor reminding us of those long-ago events. At least, that’s what you thought when you were there.



And then, decades later, you learn that you weren’t really attending a play at all. You had a front-row seat and participated in the re-presentation of the Passion, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. That once-for-all-time sacrifice was made present for you, and you were clueless. It was real. You had stood at the foot of the cross, you had traveled to Calvary, you had encountered Jesus, and you didn’t even know it.



And you want to go back in time. You want to make the wrong into a right. You want to be told the truth, so you can run home and tell your family. Hey guess what, Jesus is there. He’s really and truly there.



Mere symbols are gone. It’s Jesus!



A year ago, I shared my conversion story with a parish in Oklahoma. When I came to this part of the story, a seemingly insignificant moment in my childhood, I wept. To have come so close all those years ago, and missed the point altogether. It was an ache - still is an ache - that doesn’t go away.



I encourage you to invite a guest to come to Mass with you. If you do this, please take a moment and explain to your friend what you are receiving – who you are receiving. And that only those who are in communion with Our Eucharistic Lord Jesus Christ can receive this Sacrament. To receive communion, you must be in union. . .



And make sure they know one thing above all other things. The Eucharist is Jesus. Not a symbol. Not representational. It’s the Lord. And when they look at you in disbelief, suggest they read the 6th chapter of the Gospel of John.



If they wonder why they cannot receive, tell them it is for their own good, but to consider studying the faith a bit more. Ask questions. Let it be an opportunity for questions and answers, because that is how the faith is passed on. Until they are fully catechized, though, you must remember the passage in First Corinthians:



I Corinthians 1:27, 29

Wherefore whosoever shall eat the bread or drink the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner, shall be guilty of the body and the blood of the Lord. For he that eateth and drinketh, eateth and drinketh judgment unto himself, if he discern not the body.

A Sleepover To Remember