I'm good. I'm bad. I'm good. I'm bad.

There’s a stereotype out there about preachers’ kids. People say that we are either terrifically wicked or absurdly good. Maybe you’ve heard the cliché.

As a preacher’s kid, I know that I struggled with these polar opposites. Oh, I wasn’t wicked-and-good simultaneously. The state of the soul was like a pendulum that swings back and forth. The struggle was with being steadily holy. Consistently good. I’ve come to the conclusion that this is not a problem that solely plagues preachers’ kids. It is the human condition.


Our struggle is a battle between desires. A desire to be found pleasing before God and a desire to gratify the desires of the flesh.

Let’s face it. Every baptized Christian is the PK, the child of the Father. We all feel the pressure to be good and the pull to be wicked.


On one level, we long to shed the Christian label, especially when the world seems ready to mock us for our goodness. No, I’m not that good. Really, I’m not.


I’ll show you. And we show the world.


Then we feel the shame that accompanies failure. We realize that we really aren’t that good. But, Heavenly Father, I want to be holy. Really, that’s what I want.


Ugh.


Heavenly Father, make me steadfast. Make the pendulum stop. I’m good. I’m bad. I’m good. I’m bad.


It’s a waste of time. An effort in futility. This trying and trying.


Make me yours alone, oh God. Help me to face the onslaught of concupiscence, the desires that come simply because I am a human being. Help me to know that the temptation isn’t the sin. What matters is my response to it, which is really my response to you, oh Lord.


Let one love fall away. Let only love for the Father remain.


Not appearing wicked or good. Eyes off the waves. Eyes on the Lord. Walking on the waters of baptism. Steady. Strong.

I'm good. I'm bad. I'm good. I'm bad.