There’s just nothing fun about a colonoscopy. Not. One.
Thing.
This time, I had a sinus infection that peaked on the day I
drank the tanker of Gatorade-Miralax mix.
I should be ultra-thankful for modern medicine that keeps me
well – but when you’re in the middle of gagging down lemon-lime ackiness and
running to the bathroom, it’s hard to drum up gratitude.
So, yesterday, I kept returning to my Catholic faith. Offer it
up, Denise. Just offer it up.
It didn’t make me feel better, but it did make me feel
useful.
Recently, I renewed my consecration to Jesus-through-Mary. I
read 33 Days to Morning Glory, and I was struck by something that had escaped
me in the five-plus years since I made my first consecration.
To be truly consecrated to the Blessed Mother, we must be
willing to take her petitions as our own. I no longer have jurisdiction over my
prayers.
That was a hard thing to accept. I thought I was all-in with
this consecration thing. Suddenly, I realized I was not as far along as I had
thought.
I have prayed a lot over the years.
But I always had my list of petitions, and that list of
petitions was (usually) limited to my family members. They got all of my attention
– and I liked it that way.
Now, I realized, Mary wanted me to take on her intentions.
She wanted me to trust that she would know what to do with my family – that
they wouldn’t be lost if I completely gave over control to Mary. Her mantle was
big enough to cover every petition.
She simply wanted me to trust her. To care about what she
cares about.
Now . . . I have prayed the Rosary many times. And from my
first days as a new convert, I dedicated each decade to one of the other five
members in my family. Things were about to change. I had to pray that Rosary
with as much fervor as before – but now, it must be for Mary’s intentions.
Could I do it? As a mom and grandma, that's a tall order. I want to pray for
those who are closest to me.
I remember the first time I tried to pray for the things
that Mary has in her Immaculate Heart, deliberately setting aside my family's
needs. I was amazed by what happened next.
The beautiful thing happened – that thing that used to
happen in those early days of conversion - that thing that doesn't happen quite
as often any more – that contemplative communion that St. Teresa of Avila
describes. Consolation upon consolation. Joy. Holiness. Rapture. I was in the
presence of God.
And I heard God speak to my heart.
That day, a mom had a special prayer intention that she
shared through social media. It was for her son.
I don’t know very much about the situation. I had no idea what
to pray for – specifically.
Until, God spoke. The boy came to my mind, and I knew how to
pray.
And it felt amazing – a true communion with the Saints – and
especially with Mary. There was a boy who had some old hurts, and he was
working through them. God was healing old hurts.
So, what does all of this have to do with a sinus headache
and a colonoscopy? Well, there wasn’t any great contemplative prayer going on
yesterday. I spent most of my time feeling awful – but I offered it up.
Last night, late, long after I had swallowed my last
mouthful of lemon-lime mixer, I saw a post on Facebook. Another mother needed
prayers. Her preemie was back in the hospital - fighting off an illness – and
his life was hanging in the balance. I suspected that this was Mary's
intention. And it became my intention as well. I offered the day for a baby I
will never meet. For a mother I will never know. For Mary's intentions.
This morning, while the fog of outpatient anesthesia was
wearing off, I clicked on Facebook and read that the little boy made it through
the night. Thanks be to God.
I’m learning to take Mary’s petitions and make them my own.
I am still learning.
But it is good and sweet and a very beautiful gift we have –
and it is ours to give. Through Mary, I offer all my works, prayers, joys, and
sufferings, all that this day may bring. For Jesus.
All for Jesus through Mary.
