When I Was Abused - time to bring the story out again

(from the 2007 Catholic by Grace column)

Run to God

It is something that I have shared with only a handful of people. I chose to remain silent, not because I was profoundly damaged, but because I had put it behind me. But it seems to me that there is something important to be gained by reflecting on a few horrible experiences in an otherwise idyllic childhood.

I couldn’t have been more than five years old. The abuse started in the basement of a parishioner’s house (Dad was a Wesleyan minister back then). The boy was young, but the difference in our ages made him seem more man than child. It was marginal abuse at first, but gained frequency and intensity over the course of a year (until we moved to another pastorate). I remember once, the young man held a pocket knife in the palm of his hand and commanded me to do something that sent shock-waves through my childhood innocence. I don’t remember what happened after that. I think I ran upstairs to be with my parents.

I share this with you now because there are some who are stunned that anyone would convert to a Church that has been shaken by sex scandal. Certainly, it would cause a person of faith to go anywhere but to the Catholic Church, right? But I can honestly say that scandal exists in every corner of the Christian world. The enemy targets children, and if he can use instruments of faith or places of worship to cause further damage, he will do it.

I know this from experience. The young man frequently chose the church for his abuse. He liked the privacy of empty Sunday school classrooms. We had easy access to the church building since the parsonage (where my family lived) was next door to the church (where my dad pastored), and the church was usually empty. Thankfully, the boy was not so advanced in age as to seek to completely destroy my innocence, but it was enough to implant within me lasting unpleasant memories linked to holy places and undeserved guilt.

It did not, however, make me run from God, but rather to run into His arms with all of my heart.
But for those who say wait a minute, there is a huge difference between being abused by a young adult (even if it is inside the walls of a church) and being abused by clergy, I say, yes, that is true.

That kind of abuse is not limited, however, to the Catholic Church. It happens in every church. I know four dear ones personally who were molested by their father while he was a pastor in a Protestant denomination. I’m telling you, it happens in many churches, but the extent of the damage is limited to that church body or denomination.

I find an interesting corollary between sin and the scope of its damage and good works and the extent of its impact. The abuse in an independent church damages that one church body, rarely gaining the media’s attention. The abuse in a denominational church damages that local church and the good name of that denomination, occasionally gaining the media’s attention. But the sex abuse scandal of the Catholic Church has affected the entire Catholic Church and damaged the whole Christian world. The media always takes notice and spreads news of scandal to the entire world for as long as they will listen.

Conversely, any good done in an independent church reflects on the members of that church body. Any good done by a denominational church extends to all the members of that denomination. But the good that is done by the Catholic Church has affected the entire Church – and also Christianity at large. When we cause scandal, all of Christianity is scandalized. When we do good works, all of Christianity is served. I think that says something very important about our Church and her unique position (and profound responsibility) in the world.

Furthermore, victims typically do not sue their denomination for abuses suffered at the hands of Protestant clergy, but that is not the case with scandal in the Catholic Church. Again, the ramifications seem to indicate that the Catholic Church and the clergy have a unique calling and responsibility that moves far beyond any pastor’s relationship to his denomination. Ironically, even in scandal, the unique position of the Catholic Church is revealed.

Is it any wonder that the enemy targets the Church Our Lord established on this earth? It should make us run harder and faster into the arms of God rather than away from the Church and the sacraments. Love your Church. Run to her. Whatever you do, don’t run the other way.