I'll Never Marry Unless - The List

When I was dating my husband, I told him I had a secret list. I told him that I had created it during a time when I wasn't dating anyone (so I wouldn't be tempted to make a list around a specific person). And I told him, I had a plan. I wouldn't marry anyone that didn't fit "The List" - of course, he wanted to see the list. Ah, I said, that would mess everything up. How would I know if he was the right one? How could I be sure he was sincere - or putting on an act? No, the only way I would know if he was right for me would be for me to keep the list to myself - until I was sure. When he asked me to marry him and I said yes, I gave him the list.

If I were going about it all today, I would add that he must be a solid Catholic man. Back then, I wasn't Catholic myself - so Catholic didn't hit the list. But God took care of those important things in His timing.

Anyway, I ran across my list this evening as I was sorting and deleting old files. And I thought, there just might be someone out there who is going through the dating process. Making a list is a very good way to get started on the right foot. And so, here is my dear old list:

Puts God and faith first.
Puts spouse and family second.
At the most fundamental level, he is a giver and not a taker.
Wants to have children.
Does things in moderation. Is a planner.
Likes to do the same kinds of things I like to do – but has a couple of hobbies that make him unique from me.
Willing to put off immediate gratification for the greater good of the family and God.
Trustworthy.
Likes music – and has similar music preferences to my own.
Likes dogs, not cats.
Wants me to be a stay-at-home mother through our children’s formative years but encourages my professional development and likes to see me use the talents God has given me.
Likes nice things, knows how to take care of them, put isn’t set on having them in his life – basically happy without “the stuff”.
A listener.
Willing to share – knows how to communicate his thoughts.
Age not important.
Physical qualities not important, but I must find him attractive.
Respects my thoughts and opinions and encourages them even when they don’t match his own.
Not a smoker.
Not a drinker.
Not fake and doesn’t expect me to be fake either.
Knows how to let me know he thinks I’m beautiful. Even when I’m not wearing make-up.
Financially stable and employable.
No previous marriages. No other children.
Likes a lived-in house.
An encourager, a shoulder to cry on, a rock.
Thinks there are a number of things that I do that nobody else on the planet does better.
Has a sense of humor and knows when to use it to keep things light.
Admits he doesn’t know everything – but I suspect he’s pretty close to knowing most things.
Makes wise decisions.
Realizes that life is an ebb and flow – and that the down times don’t define us.
Sees marriage as a covenant, a forever-thing. Period. (Today I would write this one differently - "Knows this is a Sacrament - and it's forever.)